I couldn't find a better emoticon, so I'll start off by saying I'm not entirely feeling rejected...just hurt. Upset.
Today I went on the youth group's facebook prayer page and told them how I'm withdrawing from the church and although they are awesome people that I love, I don't believe in God. Only one person has responded, and it was just a "we'll miss you, hope you come back" type of thing. Like they don't understand I'm serious. Like they don't care.
When my friend did it, someone kept trying to convince her to change her mind and ended up crying while typing...it was just so obvious he cared. I mean, I'm sure they were closer, but still. I knew my youth group didn't care for me much, but I thought there were SOME who were going to respond. I guess...being the stubborn chick I am, I wanted an argument. I was prepared to give my reasons why and defend my case. So it sucks when they don't even try to convince me-because I know my mind won't be changed...it's just that I kinda of want to argue. Stupid, but that's me. Probably why I'm in debate.
But it's like what if they don't think I'm serious? I'm dead serious, so I don't get why they think they can just convince me like that or come to believe I'm not set in what I believe. I want to be taken seriously, even for something like this...
Sigh. It's only been a few hours. I'll give it time. If they don't reply, it's obvious that I never belonged in the group. In fact, it'd be obvious then that they don't like me despite what my pastor said about him-and them-caring if I took my own life. Because they wouldn't. Would anyone?
Sorry...I'm going to back to my previous activity. I just needed to get that out there.
- Listening to: Silence
- Drinking: Water